So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
