we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
