You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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