after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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