and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
