Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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