he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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