I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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