she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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