That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
