He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
