just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
