it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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