Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
