Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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