Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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