i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
