he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Randomize
