and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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