Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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