last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
