sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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