Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize
