Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
