Kiss
Puke
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
