we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
