He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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