So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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