Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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