true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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