What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
