dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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