I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
