Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
