you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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