her facebook's as public as her vagina
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
