you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
