he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
