I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
