Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
