Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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