God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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