But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
