I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
