now i know why i became what i already was.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
