plz talk dirty to me
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
