I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
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