My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
