he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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