so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
